How To Make Your Divorce Or Separation Less Painful

    D. HOW TO MAKE DIVORCE OR SEPARATION EASIER ON THE WALLET

ON THIS PAGE:

        1. Prenuptial Agreements

        2. Settlement Rather Than Litigation

    1. Prenuptial Agreements

    It is common practice for business partners to have a partnership agreement, which includes terms covering the contingency of dissolution of the business partnership. Consider doing the same for your domestic partnership.

    Prenuptial agreements are handy for, among other things:

        (a) identifying who owns what assets and debts at the beginning of the relationship; and,

        (b) defining how the parties will distribute the assets and debts acquired before and during the relationship, if and when the relationship ends.

    Addressing these issues in advance, while the two of you are still friends, will probably be a whole lot easier than it will be at the time of your separation or death. 

    Further, a prenuptial agreement may be advisable, and perhaps even essential, even if you stay together for the rest of your lives. If either of you enters the relationship with significant assets, it may be difficult or impossible for your heirs to determine the assets of your estate later on. A prenuptial agreement can mitigate or eliminate that problem.

    Note, however, prenuptial agreements have certain limitations. For example:

        (a) terms defining future spousal support are not reliably enforceable; and,

        (b) terms defining future child custody and support are definitely not enforceable.

    Note also, prenuptial agreements have the following two drawbacks:

        (c) they are decidedly unromantic. Don’t expect a passionate response to: “Look, dear, I drafted us a prenuptial agreement for Valentine’s Day . . .” and,

        (d) the mere mention of a prenuptial agreement may suggest to one or both of the parties that the other assumes or intends that their “life-long” relationship, won’t be.

    Nonetheless, if you can work around these obstacles, and the agreement is drafted properly, it could save you or your heirs a lot of money and headache, whether or not you stay together for the rest of your lives.

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    2. Settlement Rather Than Litigation

      A good, workable settlement leaves both parties about equally outraged.

    Let's do some math: Settlement = less money spent on putting the lawyers' children through college = more money to spend putting the parents' children through college.

    Every time the parties go to court before trial, it will probably cost each party a minimum of $2,000.00 for attorney fees and costs. The sky is the limit, depending on the complexity of the issues, and on the cantankerousness of the parties and their respective attorneys. That comes to a total of at least $4,000.00 for both parties.

    Every time the parties go to trial, it will probably cost each party a minimum of $15,000.00 for attorney fees and costs. Again, the sky is the limit, depending on the complexity of the issues, and on the cantankerousness of the parties and their respective attorneys. That comes to a total of at least $30,000.00 for both parties.

    In this author's practice, when the best settlement my client and I can negotiate appears to be lopsided against my client by $15,000.00 or less, I usually suggest that my client take it. The client and the other party will probably lose at least twice that much on attorney fees and costs if the case goes to trial, and the results after trial are never certain.

    Besides, litigation is seriously stressful. It will permeate your life and the lives of your children and other loved ones. Our hair turns gray fast enough already, and gray hair will look really stupid on the heads of your minor children.

    Avoid being one of those vindictive parents who are so anxious to keep the other party from getting a dime, that they will spend a hundred dollars to do it. Your children will eventually end up with most or all of it, anyway. When all is said and done, it makes little difference who keeps it for them in the interim.

    And finally, don’t get too stuck on what’s “fair.” If life were fair, you wouldn’t be reading this. As the saying goes, the only fair in San Diego County is in Del Mar, and even that’s only once a year.

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