How To Make Your Divorce Or Separation Less Painful

    A. INTRODUCTION: WHY ENDING A LONG-TERM DOMESTIC RELATIONSHIP CAN BE SO PAINFUL

    Most people believe the most awful psychological experience anyone could have would be their own death or that of a loved one.

    However, for many who are separating after a long-term domestic relationship, the separation is actually "three" times worse, as follows:

    First, the end of a long-term relationship is, quite literally, the end of life as we know it. It therefore provides the same, or nearly the same, psychological experience as that of our own death, and thereby the ultimate loss.

    Second, ever since we were small children, we were taught to believe in the romantic notion of "happily ever after" for our domestic relationship. The end of that relationship provides the rude awakening of discovering the "happily ever after" clause is unenforceable. We discover that we were tricked and fooled for our entire lives into believing something that turns out to be a giant hoax, a cruel prank. We thereby experience the ultimate humiliation.

    Third, we were also taught since we were small children that we could trust our domestic partner more than we could trust anyone else in the world. When the relationship ends, we usually learn that the person we trusted most has turned against us. We thereby experience the ultimate betrayal.

    Hence, the separation process often involves our most extreme and awful experiences of loss, humiliation, and betrayal. 

    Unfortunately, the high drama and stress that inevitably ensue often motivate us to abdicate our perspective, and to say and do things that only compound the damage to all concerned. Several years of observation and experience from this side of the desk demonstrate that the behavior stressed within the articles on this website is both effective and essential for reducing that drama, stress and damage.

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