Parental rights are enforced through either: (a) negotiating agreements with your co-parent; or, (2)
acquiring appropriate court orders. Here are the nine essential keys for maximizing your success, in
both arenas:
1.
Know your parental rights.
You don’t have any.
Nor does any other parent. Parental rights belong to the child, not to the parent.
You have parental responsibilities, and the powers and authorities essential for discharging those
responsibilities. These are not “rights,” in the conventional sense, in that you are not “allowed”
to use these powers and authorities, if and when you so choose. You are required to use them, on
behalf of your child, at all times.
2.
Know your child’s parental rights.
Your child’s parental rights include your best efforts to enforce those rights. Those efforts
include, among other things, putting your child’s needs and interests first. Not yours.
Your child’s parental rights also include constant access to, and quality parenting from, both
parents. Unless you or your co-parent is unfit, your parental responsibilities include your best
efforts to enforce these parental rights, as zealously as you would any other.
3.
Know how to discuss parental rights.
Similarly, your purpose for discussing your child, with your co-parent, with the Court, or with your
lawyer, is to protect and to promote your child’s rights and interests. Not yours.
Discussing your own needs and interests, rather than those of your child, suggests that you assign
little or no importance to your child’s welfare whenever it is inconvenient for you to do so.
Check your needs and interests at the door. Do not
discuss them. Do not refer to them. Do not even mention them.
4.
Know who “owns” your child.
You do not own your child.
Lincoln freed the slaves. Since then, human beings may not “own” other human beings. Even if
they are parent and child.
Indeed, if anyone owns anyone, your responsibilities to your child suggest that your child owns you,
not vice versa.
5.
Know the relationship between your child’s welfare and yours.
Your welfare is crucial to your child’s welfare.
That means you have a duty to your child to be as strong, happy and healthy as is possible. To do
otherwise will decrease your ability to show up as a parent, and will set the wrong example for your
child to follow later.
Hence, protecting your child’s parental rights absolutely requires protecting your own health and
welfare, to the wall. You cannot put your child’s interests first, unless your health and welfare
allow you to do so.
6.
Know your options for acquiring and enforcing parental rights.
You have two options: Negotiation and litigation.
Here is the answer to many of your most complicated questions: There are two ways, and only two
ways, to get anything done for your child. They are:
(a)
You attempt to convince your co-parent agree to it; or,
(b)
You attempt to convince the court to order it.
There are no other options. Ever.
7.
Know the Eight Magic Words essential for acquiring and enforcing parental rights.
If you remember nothing else from this article, remember to use these eight magic words,
religiously:
“This is in our child's best interests, because . . .”
Every argument, suggestion, position or perspective that you and your lawyer advance, either to the
court or to your co-parent, must begin with these magic words.
Arguments that do not begin with these words will have zero merit or relevance. They will also kill
your credibility as a concerned parent. Throw them out now, save everyone else the trouble, and save
yourself the embarrassment.
8.
Know how to label your child.
You should refer to your child in only the following ways:
(a) “our child;”
(b) “our son;”
(c) “our daughter;” and,
(d) by your child’s first name.
Let’s make very sure that we clearly understand the following, key concepts:
(a)
“Children” are not "property." "Children" are
"persons."
(b) “Persons” have rights and interests. “Property” does not.
and,
(c) “Children” need constant access to, and quality parenting from, both
parents. “Property” does not.
If you refer to your child as “my” anything, it will suggest the following:
(a)
You believe that your child is an item of mere property, which exists for your
benefit, rather than a sovereign human being, for whose benefit you exist;
or,
(b) You are unable, or unwilling, to recognize how essential it is to your
child to have constant access to, and quality parenting from, the other parent;
or,
(c) Your are unable, or unwilling, to recognize and address your child's
best interests
whenever it is inconvenient for you to do so;
or,
(d) All of the above.
When referring to your child, always use the options suggested above to avoid this problem.
9.
Know how to choose the right attorney.
You owe it to your child to choose an attorney who thoroughly understands and adheres to these
concepts.
Your job is to protect and to promote your child’s rights and interests. Your attorney’s job is
to help you to do exactly that. If your attorney is not helping you to put your child first, find
another attorney who does.
